/fringe/ - Fringe

If my dad sees the shit he will beat the fuck out of me.

>>28163
How to stop being a faggot, in four steps
>1- Get a job
>2 - Move out
>3 - ???
>4 - Profit

You depend on them to eat, to sleep under a roof, and even the internet connection you're using to write this edgelord rant about how it's their fault that you're a loser.
You don't have to like them, but either you grow up and become self-sufficient or deal with your parents ruling your life.

Where do you live, OP? If you're in/around Oregon, I'd let you stay with me.

What do they do exactly that pisses you off? Sometimes I get "annoyed" by my parents, but fucking imagining stabbing them? I absolutely cannot contemplate that. There has to be an action on their part that triggers that sort of behavior….

There is no reason to kill anyone in this world.
All of us, even your parents, are results of random events of the past, it's not your fault for being there and it's not their fault either for being there with you.

You know what you want; you want to live alone and be independent, work on it harder, close the fucking pc, the internet drains your energy and time, work on what you truly want. You're using the internet as a way of escapism it seems.

As for your voice do this exercise every morning to get a deeper voice:
1) Stand tall and relax all of your body, feel your toes touching the floor
2) Open your mouth wide so its shapen as an "O"
3)Take a deep breath and exhale doing the default "OOOM" sound that people make when they just want to make a sound
4) Jump on your heels while doing the sound, feel the vibrations through your core, do 2-3 sets of 3-4 breaths of this exercise

Another variation of this exercise is tapping your chest with your palms (fingers mainly) while making the sounds.
The exercise works but it takes time, try to do it every morning.

>>28169
My health is fucked from their abuse and I do random odd jobs but never get proper employment with full hours.

So fuck you and stay out of my thread.

…and it is there fucking fault. If they wouldn't have been screaming at me most of my life, emotionally abusing me, sometimes physically, and depriving me of proper food, and so on and on I might have been able to actually fucking get my shit together and be a productive and employed person today but instead I'm a fucking wreck.

You try being successful when your parents neglect getting you medical attention for problems that develop, when they go into your room whenever they want and never have a bedtime for you but actually wake you up and then you develop severe insomnia and can never get to sleep and are paranoid too so you wake up when anyone even gets close to your room, and you don't have regular eating times, and so osdfnh dsoipfdsf908esr-0es fdgff

>>28175
They abused me my whole life.

I have never had friends and have been in terrible isolation (nobody is ever allowed to come over to the house), they always yelled at me all the time growing up, they humiliate me, I never had any positive experiences with them and have always just feared/hated/resented them.

They don't give a shit about making sure I have good healthy food, they don't give a shit if I am hurt and bleeding or vomiting, they hit me and knocked me to the ground, they don't care that my sleeping area is in one of the worst areas in the house and there's mould that I have to kill myself and the carpet is all damaged and crap and the windowsills are rotten out, and they also have completely different worldview and political views from me.

I might be within a month or so seeing a doctor for the first time to see what is wrong with me. It has taken me years of planning and trying to get this done for this to happen. There is a lot wrong with me; I have terrible fatigue, don't heal well, can't sleep, very disturbed thoughts, etc.

I have become very secretive and paranoid and fearful of them. I hide stuff like money, stash things away, make plans to run away, dream about it, etc.

I want to work and live on my own and not worry about food and have a normal sleep pattern and everything but I can't while living with them.

I swear the moment rule of law is gone I'm killing all of them and I'm going to use their corpses for black magick and write sigils with their blood and everything. There is nobody I hate and fear more than my family. They haunt me in my nightmares. I want to forget them all completely, banish them from my minds, never have anything to do with any of them ever again.

>>28194
>random events

Fuck off faggot, ontological randomness does not exist in this world, all is subject to law, order, and sequence.

I have every reason to kill them viciously. Only thing stopping me is the law.

>As for your voice do this exercise every morning to get a deeper voice

I fucking can't because I fall asleep and wake up at random times, I can't consistently do anything in the morning, and if anyone sees or hears me doing that it will attract more hostility from them. It is very important for me to stay as quiet as possible and not be noticed and attracted attention to myself. …and no silly voice exercises are going to make up for the lack of confidence, the fear, and the humiliation I feel at being in my situation.

I want to fucking beat up this anon: ( >>28169 )

>>28163
You have all this hate and rage, how do you channel it? I am going through something pretty similar. I feel much the same way at times and today I laid around groaning and going crazy with sorrow. I let myself remain emotionaly numb for a long time to block out how I felt up until just recently when I read through Atkinson (deepest gratitude to the person who cut 200 pages from The Arcane Teachings.)

Getting out for walks helped a lot, you could just rotate focus until you find something that sticks. It took me a lot of tries before I actually started to find balance.

>>28194
Also a bit of a nerd voice here and love to sing so if it helps me lower my voice and extend my range, fuck yeh

I can relate to you, OP. I was raised mostly in isolation. My only contact was to my parents, and they had some punishment where they would pretend I didn't exist, and it was the most horrible thing. They wouldn't apply it because I did something wrong, but for some random things, like phrasing my sentences in some specific ways they didn't like.

After growing I had even got a job, but my parents would call the workplace asking about me, and I only stayed few months in there. Then I got some health problems, and almost got another job, but was refused for health reasons. Third world country, so I don't even have a chance of getting some compensation for that. They ruined my possible attempts.

And now I also don't know what to do. I might try to influence someone to allow me living with them, still don't have such ability developed enough. Your paragraphs about feeling infantilized and not free apply perfectly to what I feel.

>>28226
My city also has air quality so bad that thousands die each year because of it, and I only have water supply for half of the day. And here I am, fettered. Fuck, there must be something better for people like us.

>>28227
Wow that's fucking horrible. The air here is pretty bad but not nearly that bad. I still wish I could get a gas mask though, especially for those really horrible days when the air pollution is at its worst… get yourself some activated carbon if you can for your room. Should be cheap (but even cheap things are so fucking hard to find when we're stuck in this situation).

Nice synchronicity btw. I was just reading Montalk, and he does mention toxic parents. I went on reading and he talks about the influence of the moon. Tomorrow we get New Moon, so that explains our feeling today.

>>28242
Fug, double synchronicity. Montalk says that dreams in days before the New and Full Moon may be related to an event that'll happen in these days. I got my dream journal and in day 10 my dream involved going to a Montalk live lecture. And now getting synchronicities in the day before the New Moon. It's happening.

>>28202
I follow a path in which I try my hardest not to judge; so please take this as advice rather than an ego bash.

You have a lot of pent up and irrational emotions and energy. The fact you want to kill someone shows there are other problems in your life you need to work out; fringe is not the place for you. You sound young but unable to accept that fact because of a large ego. You sound entitled and overly privileged, although your parents may disagree with you and may have damaged you that's no means to be wanting to kill them and as others have suggested you should channel that energy into getting a job which will allow you to move out of your house and then you'll begin to understand further the hardships in life and how hard managing money especially in a low paying job can be.

I know you'll probably just get angry at this because I've insulted your ego but know I have no idea who you are and really have no actual effect on you aside from your own perception of how this is affecting you. I can do nothing to harm you in real life. If you don't want to get a job or you have an "inability" then there is always an alternative path available. Otherwise you just sound really lazy and self-loathing which you then infer on your parents.

Anyway, love to you brother from someone who needs it to another. We all need it, including your parents. I can however say that building any kind of significant "occult" power while in your current state may lead to you developing stronger mental issues than what it's worth and you should instead first of all seek at least rudimentary happiness.

>>28163
There's a reason you were born into a difficult life. They say those without fathers or lacking in parental guidance were born into this life because they're strong enough to survive it. Forgive your parents for their role in life was not to pamper or aid you. Let your old self and life go. Begin to rebuild and be like the phoenix flying out through the ashes of death and defeat.

>>28163
i am sorry for your suffering OP.

I wish I had an immediate means to alleviate it, I will practice tonglen on your suffering tonight. It might not be much, but the idea that someone somewhere is trying to take the suffering from you and return it in kind with healing may be of some comfort.

I am not sure where you live or what services are available, are there no means by which you can remove yourself from the environment?

If you suffer from mental of physical illness you may be able to seek out supplementary payments or assistance with moving to subsidized housing or the like. It is often shitty and small but at least it will afford you some relief and autonomy. It may be wise to find yourself a cheap or free psychologist to work through this issues to find the best course of (mundane) action.

I'm with you. The same thing is happening to me currently, though not quite as intense. I just desperately need to leave this place.

I make these daytrips to parts of my city I haven't been to before and I always feel so much different. I feel like anything is possible in those moments. Everything is blossoming in front of me. But I always know, that it will end, and I'll have to come home to these people. It's a tragedy.

I go into suicidal ideation a lot but I'm noticing that as long as I keep my eyes on my true intents and ideals, any situation that I encounter passes by much faster than when I was victimizing myself. Even when I feel like I betrayed myself, I remember who I am and that I have the dead-set aim on getting out of here, it helps refocus on that. So, let whatever anger comes flow but always remember what you want the most and let it bring you back to life. Because you must know in yourself that you will eventually succeed in escaping and leave these toxic people behind forever.

>>28198
>I do random odd jobs but never get proper employment with full hours.
Your fault, apply to more jobs. If you still can't get work, get more qualified and keep applying. On worst case scenario move out and get on foodstamps and then welfare until you can walk with your own feet. Do you wanna cry about how much of a victim you're or do you wanna do something about it?

>So fuck you and stay out of my thread.
You have no power here, Edgelord the Grey!

>they also have completely different worldview and political views from me.
Oh, The horror! How dare they disagree with you?

>when they go into your room whenever they want
It's not your room, it's their room, they pay for it. You live there rent-free out of their sheer kindness, they have no obligation towards you at this point.

>I have no independence and feel infantilized.
Then stop acting like a child and get your shit together.

>If they wouldn't have been screaming at me most of my life, emotionally abusing me, sometimes physically, and depriving me of proper food, and so on and on I might have been able to actually fucking get my shit together and be a productive and employed person today but instead I'm a fucking wreck.
You've no idea what real abuse is like. Are you beaten senseless and left bleeding in the ground? Didn't think so. You're not the only kid to grow up with shitty guardians, and most don't turn into wrecks. You're a failure because you chose to be one.

I understand that your environment right now is not a very good one, but let's make this clear: You live there because you want to. No one has shackled you to the ground, you're free to leave and never come back, just as your parents are free to kick your worthless ass out of the house if they feel like it.

>>28321
I understand that your environment right now is not a very good one, but let's make this clear: You live there because you want to. No one has shackled you to the ground, you're free to leave and never come back, just as your parents are free to kick your worthless ass out of the house if they feel like it.

>>28225

Working to transmute the hatred and malice in your environment is a powerful thing. Honesty moment to moment is difficult to attain because we slip back into them so easily. Working to raise not only yourself but those around you (even if you think they are undeserving shitlords) multiplies and expands your own power. You have lots of control of your anger by compartmentalizing it, use it! Even if it is just in the moment by slinging it back at them, atleast you do it honestly. You also give them back loosh by doing so instead of keeping it. I found personally I can change the entire aura of my household just by singing. I still have abandonment issues with my parrents that are unresolved, they are not easy to confront due to the fact that it means we have to FORGIVE. You'll do it in your own time. Practice on the internet if you need too, deliberately let someone get control if your emotional state and genuinely forgive them. See if that helps to quell some of the tempest in your heart, or change it to love.

>>28323
Argh copypasta but no greentext.. Think I have used an immageboard before?

As I was reading the beginning, I already had words to tell you about how pathetic you are, but the more I read, the words just started being replaced with laughter.

You're a joke.

>>28408
I hope you go through the same horrible shit in your next incarnation.

>>28251
Go fuck yourself, that's all I have to say you, just fuck off and get raped by a stick.

People who try not to judge, judge the hardest.

He who strives to be kind, is often the most cruel.

>>28252
Useless words that change nothing. I work hard every day someone has work for me to do to make a little cash and put it away and plan my escape and struggle with my own inferiority that has resulted from my parents abuse. Nigger, there is no reason for this suffering, nobody is strong enough to survive life everyone is fucked in the end and dies.

>>28284
>are there no means by which you can remove yourself from the environment?

I am trying to do this and it's not working. Only way is to get money and get the stuff I need. It's proving really hard to do. I can't even get a day's worth of food with me to run away with.

>you may be able to seek out supplementary payments or assistance

Already applied for welfare and rejected because my fucking parents have money and the government expects them to use it for my own good but they fucking don't, so I'm fucking trapped with them, in these horrible conditions.

If government gave me money I would not be surprised if my parents were to take it from me and exploit me further anyways.

I've also looked around for abandoned houses to live in but that wasn't a viable plan.

If I lose hope that my current efforts will fail to attain my freedom within a few years I may just kill them anyways and find prison or wherever I end up being put next a better chapter in my life over this shit… or at least I will eventually be released and pretty much guaranteed some kind of program to help me out with getting a place to live and some kind of job and shit to reintegrate me into society.

>>28321
>Do you wanna cry about how much of a victim you're or do you wanna do something about it?

I want to find out where you live, kill you, and defile your corpse.

>Oh, The horror! How dare they disagree with you?

I just don't want to be their fucking son, don't want to be born to these shitty people, don't want to carry on their last name, don't want anything to do with them. It's a cruel fucking god that paired me with these people I hate so much. I don't care they disagree, I am just saying, these people have nothing in common with me and I do not know them or anything they just created me and provided the genetic material but they are otherwise strangers to me and I fucking hate them.

>It's not your room, it's their room, they pay for it. You live there rent-free out of their sheer kindness, they have no obligation towards you at this point.

Yeah, some fucking kindness, keeping me in a fucked up room and having me around as a something to abuse

>Then stop acting like a child and get your shit together.

My urge to kill you is so fucking over the top I fucking hate that thousands of miles separate us right now. I would so fucking kill you if you were in person.

>You've no idea what real abuse is like. Are you beaten senseless and left bleeding in the ground? Didn't think so.

I've been beaten many times, neglected, starved, etc. and the emotional and psychological abuse is worse than the physical.

>You live there because you want to.

No I live here because I don't have anywhere else to fucking go.

>you're free to leave and never come back

Yeah in the same fucking manner as a prisoner in Siberia is "free to leave" because there's nothing but frozen wasteland around them and they will die.

I have left many times but always had to return because no fucking food or money.

Die die die you fucking cunt!!!

>>28323
Fuck your RHP bullshit I am not forgiving people that abuse me. I want to kill them and will do it if I can get away with it or I have given up hope on escaping them. Forgiveness has no value.

I don't care if I'm a psychopath, "ungrateful" (as if YOU would be fucking grateful living the life I have lived) for all this suffering, or whatever else I hate this world.

This life is utter bullshit.

This world is excrement.

None of it had to happen, none of it is just, there is no fucking point to it.

Fuck the gay ass RHP bullshit here.

I'm going back to wizchan.org/dep and leaving you fucking normies behind because I'm sick of your shit and I'm not going to come back for at least a few days and I'm only coming back because a few posters get it.

The rest of you have no perspective and blame me as if I were responsible for being born into this shitty life and abused by my parents and could easily just escape this situation.

I'm sick of being tortured by life.

>waah waah my life suxx ;__;
>stop empathizing with me or offering solutions, just agree about how much my life suxx!!!

Indeed wizchan might be a better place for you, you obviously have no interest in getting out of your situation.

At least you're using the right flag for your posts though.

>>28541
I think he's gone now mate, he's been loosh farmed too hard.

Oh and btw, talk is cheap, and any asshole can offer up solutions but without even knowing the situation or fuck it; even if you did know, it doesn't mean you can "help" with your words.

I don't think he was looking for solutions. From reading the thread he's apparently trying to find work, does work when he can find it, and is trying and planning to get out. I think you all royally pissed him off by ignoring that. Saying he doesn't have an interest in getting out is fucking retarded and implies he likes his life but one does not contemplate killing their own parents for no good reason.

I wonder if he'll even come back at all despite what he said.

>>28555
Still, what the hell he expected, to everyone just to pat his head and go "oh noes, iktf bro ;___;"? It's OK to go on a rant once in a while, but it's not OK to start insulting and sperging on people who are trying to comfort and better understand your situation.

>>28588
Lotta loyalty for a hired anon. Calm your fucking tits, I just said that if all he wants is to bitch about life and find a hundred reasons generic advice doesn't work for him there are better places than the fucking esoteric wizardry board for that

>>28596
You mundanes shouldn't be giving generic advice. Most of what we do is about overcoming life's problems through magickal self-development. All the OP got was a ton of pleb advice and shaming. As I see it, this is a fine board for him to express such thoughts, but you guys ruined it before I could see this thread and be the first to reply to it and I came in too late. Now he's already gone, driven off by your autism.

>>28408
I've already gone through very similar shit in this one, and guess what, I wasn't a pathetic little bitch about it. Instead of being an edgelord on the internet, you should kill yourself instead because you won't ever change.

>>28607
meant for >>28429

>>28588
>That's not understanding and comforting, that is shaming.
It works the same way bullying does. You kick someone hoping they get up and fight back. If they don't it's because they belong on the ground.

>>28201
>>28202
>There is a lot wrong with me; I have terrible fatigue, don't heal well, can't sleep, very disturbed thoughts, etc.
>I fucking can't because I fall asleep and wake up at random times,

It sounds like you're possibly a narcoleptic insomniac, though you may just have a circadian rhythm disorder.

Go to a sleep doctor and tell them your symptoms. Unfortunately, a diagnosis usually requires an expensive sleep test (multiple thousands of dollars) that you may not be able to afford. In any case, they should still be willing to provide you with certain medications.

I am a narcoleptic insomniac so I know how it feels to be sleep deprived and excessively tired all of the time. Hell, it took me 7 years to find the proper medication for me to use and at that point I'd already fried my brain from years of using heavy sedatives or z-drugs during my developmental teenage years.

Anyway, best of luck to you.

>>28607
I am absolutely certain whatever you went through was not comparable and did not compromise your health and other factors if you were able to just get a fucking job and move out.

>>28523
If I were raped by 10 sticks it appears I'd still get up and do more about it than you. You are currently being raped by 20, and 20 more. All of these "sticks" being your own demons you have to face such as laziness, and being pathetic. Instead of improving yourself (which is the whole point about meditation, magic and the like) you'll sit there spouting shit at whoever tries to help you because they attack your comfort of not having to change and instead you turn to attacking your environment.

It's literally the same process that a cancer cell makes. It becomes a cancer cell, attacks everything around it causing more cells to become cancerous but when anything tries to help it it says "na fuck off I'm having a good life of killing things" then the host dies quickly and suddenly, what does the cancer cell then feed off?


Good luck brother and love to you. I won't feed your ego because things already decay enough in this world don't let your self decay to the whim of the ego as well.

>>28721
What about OP suggests that he's "lazy"? He indicated in the thread he does whatever work he gets and that he actively plans his escape.

You are just loosh farming him.

Why don't you just leave him alone? He already left the thread days ago and still you want to stab at him emotionally.

Psychic vampires, all of you.

Hi OP

I experienced a lot of the same. I've spent most of my life trying to burn off the shit the mundanes I was bizarrely born to heaped on me. Just disgusting, careless mundane people. I think my grandparents had all the esoteric genes, and somehow I got the mundane runts of their litters as parents, who they knew not to bother with.

Thankfully I'm not stuck living with them. I am chronically sick though. In a way that destroys my every waking hour. when I mentioned it to them they didn't even ask what it was or mention it in their response to me, let alone help with the medical costs that would fix it instantly. They have the money.

If you're on fringe you have a spark. I know how hard it can be having that spark and having it show you the disgusting legacy that's been left in your mind and circumstances that it hasn't transformed yet.

I would just say keep up with the transformation. Just keep going. Do some discipline which totally re-encodes your body and phenotype, like an esoteric Tantra every day. Then, if you have children, use all of this to be like a completely different species to them than your parents were to you. Break the cycle. Be the start of a new dynasty.

I'm sorry you had to be the one to suffer to break it instead of the one who had the cycle broken for you. I hate boomers and I hate what many of our ancestors have left us with. We have to raise ourselves up and be the progenitors of a totally new kind of human lineage and rearing. Something magical and beautiful and totally divorced from their mundanity. I'm sorry you're suffering the disgustingness of that mundanity, though.

>>28725
I wasn't trying to farm loosh but it does appear that way on rereading just trying to give advice to a guy, advice which doesn't cater to the ego and more the true self. In retrospect I shouldn't have posted the post which you quoted.

OP, my point still stands that you should try and find the love in the world. If my last posts were too harsh for your current position (or ego) don't take them too much to heart and I'm sorry for having misread your position at first.

I'll have you know that there is hope for you but anger will just inflate issues and your hatred will just cause more gaps between you and them and between you and the rest of the world. Please don't find that to be offensive it's the truth and sometimes you can become comfortable with a negative state. I used to be comfortable with depression when I had it for a long time for example.

Really, with such a limited range of things you can do (if I'm understanding correctly, health issues, lack of support etc) the only plausible thing there is to do is probably to invest a lot of time into meditation and over time gaining strength from that. If you can find a mentor, do so. In my city I've recently stumbled upon a very enlightened mentor who teaches for free and professes not reading books until you've mastered the art of meditation first so that you have a basis to build the happiness of. Now, I don't know anything about you in reality and even the information you've posted is but a tidbit of your perception of which no one will understand the full picture but I know that if there's any activity that leads in a positive direction it's meditation. If you want to speed up the results, throw in some yoga. This stuff heals paraplegics and can definitely heal you but it won't come over night. It will also help you find peace in the hardest times. I don't know if you do or don't meditate and if you do - thats great. Reading the books and advice here are just going to cause more conflict in your mind and can overload your brain with thoughts that would hinder and progress in regards to actual happiness. Remember, the material world will never bring true happiness and the true happiness comes from within. Also, since you seem to believe in past lives; you were put into this body for a reason to have a certain experience to learn something or beat some hard time. Utilize your ability to do so, the sickest of men can find happiness and enlightenment. It won't happen overnight, but I'm sure if you were looking for extreme "quick solutions" you'd have already killed your parents, sadly. You and them may never see eye to eye, accept that as truth and although it's hard to do so "turn the other cheek". Brother, as we are all, there is more hope in this world than violence and hatred and I hope you come to see the light someday good luck to you on your path and sorry for the hatred you've garnered here remember they do not know the real you and their words are just words at the end of the day you are anonymous.

Accept yourself and transform your perception via loving meditation. Disregard all "magick" texts until then. Some say you should utilise the aggression and anger for "power". Good luck if you take that path, you'll probably end up hurting more people and yourself then have all kinds of spiritual backlash and an even worse reincarnation. Remember there are 2 paths, Left Hand and Right Hand with various degrees in-between - the main difference being that the ones on the right hand have true happiness and love(and they come from the toughest situations). Once again, good luck and love to you.

That's a Smiley thread, right? Right?

>>29079
Believe it or not, there is more than one crazy angry virgin with health problems browsing /fringe/.

>>28725
>psychic vampires
This would be the weakest psychic vampirism possible if it even was psychic vampirism, learn your own terminology.

He posted on here to let off steam and to ask for help, but started a broader conversation about negative environments and emancipating himself from his surroundings, which is good. He also did it on 8chan. That's not an excuse for the behavior that you're mistakenly calling "psychic vampirism," but one would hope that he wouldn't be coddled. It is ultimately on him to free himself, and if he can't even handle the banter, then he should think twice before posting content he knows is both confrontational and self-pitying (though really the most annoying part is that he still uses "edgy," which is the most hollow, meaningless term to be churned out by the chans recently. God forbid someone gets angry).