/fringe/ - Fringe

And then, something amazing happened. Now I can talk to animals! It's totally cool, but totally secret. And you know what? Life's never been the same.

From this day foward, I had a voice in my head. I didn't hear it like a hallucinated voice that was not there, it was in my head, it was thoughts that were not mine which commented on stuff.

"Hate" is what it kept saying when I got into contact with bad people. Later words like "Kill" or "Punish" were added. Or snarling. Of course all the fictional works and worlds I have been in contact me have teached me: You are posessed by a demon. That's usually the point where a normal person would go seek help. But I didn't. Because in MY reality of my 12-year-old self, this was the coolest fucking shit ever. It gave me a lot of self-esteem to know I have a monster inside. I loved it. I hid it well, though. I never wanted to hurt the few people I cared about because of it. Neither did I want my secret to be revealed since I was afraid they would lock me away. So my deal with the monster was: "You get to be as violent as you want to be - but only to protect me. Only in emergencies.". Such an emergency didn't come anytime soon.

Around this time, I discovered the animes Naruto and Bleach - like all weird kids did in that phase. I liked how Naruto also had a monster inside. But that was nothing compared to the "Hollow" inside of the main character of Bleach. It was as if I was meant to see that: He went through the exact same shit as I did. Bad guy was too strong, he faints, becomes a violence loving monster, defeats the bad guy. And of course, my monster became more like that dark personality of the protagonist ever since. Because thats how I percieved it. (Even though my god those animes were terrible. /a/, where were you? Why did you not protect me?)

>>50656

Bet I didn't disappoint you based on what kind of stuff you expected.

Anyway, as childish as this shit was - even for a 12 year old - it had ONE actual advantage: I could actually talk to the other me since it adopted a personality. Simply for the reason of believing it to be the coolest shit I created some sort of invisible Tulpa in my head.

Shit went on as it always did: Videogames, Anime, less books, no gf, being an introverted weirdo, you know the deal. Not much happened. No "awesome adventure" story so far. My life was boring and I was bored by it a lot. And then, pretty much out of nowhere, my mum got sick. Something pancreatic the doctors were too stupid to deal with. They eventually got it dealt with, she got out of the hospital and then when I went to the other end of the country to visit some internet friends she died out of nowhere, the sickness came back 10 times worse.

Here's the thing: I didn't feel anything about it. Except for one thing: Finally something exciting happens in my life. I should have felt horrible - instead that night I had the most happy night in my life because I fell asleep while being hugged by a girl I liked. At this point it was pretty much official to me that I was fucked up in the head. But I didn't see it as a bad thing: Would have sucked a lot more to suffer because of this situation. My dad and my grandparents were really confused about how I stayed so cold about the whole situation.

I moved in with my dad. Grandparents thought of disinherit me because I seemed so cold but then decided not to and keep contact and stuff, everyone thought I was just so cold because I was so hurt. When I noticed I started to pretend to feel more, of course, but they were right all along: I was cold. They would have been right to disinherit me.

It's not that I didn't feel shit in general: I got insanely angry at injustice, I was lonely a lot, I fell in love with many girls. It's just that platonic connections to other people never really did make me feel much. Of course I still valued my friends a lot - for who they were, for what they did for me, for being able to talk to, for having fun with me. I just didn't feel much.

A few years passed, life got boring again. Thats when I stubled upon a web series called "Spirit Science". This is the point where some of you will stop reading and will want to tell me how much bullshit it was. And I agree, a lot of it was. Of course I didn't believe so at the time, but here is what happened:

I got insanely interested in the topic of astral projection. An actual world for me to have adventures in that is not a videogame? Fuck yes. So I spent a lot of time experimenting with that. Also, Joshua (the creator of SS) claimed in his videos that 2012 there would be free superpowers for everone since some sort of shift would happen causing everyones souls to awaken and whatnot. Of course that's the perfect bait for someone like me. I wasn't interested in all the stuff around it, all the "love and light" stuff, all the "hippy bullshit" - while I did like to think I was one of the good guys too I didn't want to be gay about it. I succeeded at astral projection a couple times even though it didn't last long, was really motivated, my life had purpose. So I joined the spirit science forum. Turns out that place had nothing to do with the faggotory that was (and probably still is, didn't check for ages) the spirit science web series.

The forum was full of people like me. They wanted to experience things. But one person did not give A SINGLE FUCK about the community: Jordan himself. He didn't want to discuss actual spiritual science, he didn't have the time, he made others manage his forums and just kept going on his own path. Anyone pointing out that maybe he should care about the people he brought on this path was silenced by the mods. So of course the community went on without him and went on a completely different course. I explored the topics of shadow-selfes and of course came to the conclusion that my demon was actually my shadow, too. I also got interested in higher selves. We made a skype group to discuss stuff and experience things together, play around with our spiritual energies, made each other feel stuff and so on. A playground. I loved it. I found friends there. But - you probably guessed it - shit escaleted and became really fucking weird.

One of the people there was a medium - or a "channeler". He channeled spirits over skype to help others with their paths. His abilities were limited, but of course the perfect cheat to get into contact with the astral dimension. One day, he channeled a very powerful spirit which supposedly made a part of everyone involved in his group-meditation ritual capable of allowing a part of their soul ascend while their body and their main-conciousness could stay here. Like half-astral projection. We called it bilocation. But what happened was this: Before they started, the spirit said "the dark one is not allowed to be part of this" and I was kicked out of the skype group.

I was pissed as fuck, obviously. Yes, my shadow self is a split personality, but that doesn't mean I am entirely a negative being. The others claimed to experience this half-astral projection constantly afterwards, that they were partly sent to another planet, that they felt like they were living two lifes. Part of me thought "They are just roleplaying and didn't want you in it because you take this shit too serious.". But that part was silenced by an even stronger part of my thoughts that wanted this to be real. So bad.

So I tried to reproduce what they did by myself. In a very long and intense meditation I summoned all higher selfes into my conciousness I could and asked them to give me enough energy to join the others. They did. It felt like… shit I don't know how to describe it. Like being charged. My body and my aura started to vibrate a lot, I felt as if I pulled an all-nighter but was still extremely awake. It's a blurry memory, it was intense. Afterwards it felt like my imagination - which was pretty intense, obviously, being raised by videogames and shit - was no longer under my control. It was as if it told me story instead of me coming up with it, if that makes sense. It made me "see" myself astral project to that planet where the others were. I could feel their presence, they could feel mine, it was just fucking crazy.

You're playing with fire. You even made a contract with the being. Good work, 10/10.

Now revert everything you did and become a good and moral human. Start feeling things again and start loving yourself. You can astral project without shadows. Any demon or entity that live off others will end up killing you and the ones around you. Go see a psychic and get it out of your body.

I know by now you are probably not very convinced of this, but I am actually a person that doubts things before blindly accepting them. I still heavily considered the possibility that this was all bullshit, us rollplaying. So I tested the shit out of it. When I astral projected before I had those shadows come out of my back, like really long extra hands or snakes. I could form them however I want though usually my astral projections never lasted long enough for the really intense experiments - you know, forming complex shit. All I did was basic forms and stuff. But that came in handy: I could still feel their presence during bilocation, I could create stuff out of them and ask the others what they see. And they could see it. If I created something big, they described something big. If I didn't create anything and just claimed to they struggled a lot before coming up with stuff they were really insecure about. And so on. It worked.

Basically, my mind has spent all day in this world. I was unconcentrated as fuck but luckily I had some internship at some IT-company where I didn't have to do shit anyway so it was perfect, I could experiment a lot.

There was another woman in that group. She is way older than I am, but incredibly nice. She lived at the other end of the planet, had a family and stuff. The last person I'd consider a romantic potential. But one night I had a dream where we made love in our new world. Of course it wasn't a goddamn dream. I didn't really have control over it, I thought I was dreaming. I was on auto-pilot. But goddamn it was the best dream I ever had.

The next day, of course, was awkward. I asked her what she dreamed last night and she was acting really weird about it. I said "Did we…?" and she reacted all like "OH MY FUCKING GOD!". Yeah, shit, no dream, I fucked a mother. Astrally. I wasn't sure if that counts or not or double-counts. But it was the beginning of a really weird path for both of us.

Here is where shit begins to sound like fiction (yeah I know, as if, we are long past that point - but let's just go on and see what happens) - we were starting to have really weird dreams about past-life experiences. And we had dreams of the same life. She was some sort of queen in a desert palace and I was a slave who voluntary worked there since else I would have lived as a thief on the streets. I was really young in that dream, too - 14 maybe? - and she was around 20-25 perhaps. There also was a king, but he was her brother at the same time. Of course we had an forbidden relationship. She made me come into her room at night. She got pregnant, the king found out, killed the kid, put me into a dungeon where I went crazy under torture while he forced her to perform some corrupted love ritual with him so that her soul would be bound to him.

It was in that dungeon where - you guessed it - the voice in my head appeared again. He asked me to give him my body and in exchange, he would give me freedom. Of course I agreed. There was a cut in the dream and the next scene is me covered in blood walking aimlessly through the desert.

She had the same dream, but from her own perspective, of course.

So, since I know how much all of this sounds like stupid fiction and since I need a break I want to take this post to ask you if I should keep going, or if you just think this is gay as hell and OP should fuck off into his own little world again? Is there interest or am I writing to myself here?

>>50665

He might be a demon, but he is me. Of course if you have any experience on the topic of demonology you'd be stupid to believe me since I know the probability of me just being another fool being used by demons is, from an objective point of view, insanely high. But I have been me for a long time now. And I have researched what my soul is a lot too. So I appreciate your advice, but I am just a really weird case where things are more complicated.

As you can see it's a long story. Should I keep going?

>>50667

I am listening. Please continue, it's interesting to see others experience.

>>50670

Alright. So…

Because of all this, I believed her to be the other part of my soul. The female me. So I researched that a lot: Asking my higher selfes, shitton of meditation, trying different drugs. The process itself as to how I gathered my info was kinda long and I don't want the story to become too long so I'm skipping some shit here but basically I had more dreams and astral experiences and conversations with my higher selfes and other spirits and this is the short-ish version of it:

As some of you might believe too, this universe was created by a soul floating in the endless nonexistance outside of the universe. Some call it "god", but by new-age-spirituality-hippie-friends called it "source" so I'll use that name. Turns out this soul, like cells, split a lot - over and over - until all the souls in this universe were created. Demons, Angels, Humans, Animals, Aliens - you name it, all of it. Well, ALMOST all of it. Turns out some souls actually do come directly from the nothingness, too, and not from source. So they lack the connection to it.

Look, I really hate to do the whole "special snowflake" thing here, but I am one of those souls. Apparently I was one of the first of those kinds as one spirit called me the "original twilight". Twilight as in the balance between light and dark. Aka: Nothingness. (+1)+(-1)=0.

Because of that nature of myself, I was an empty soul, so to speak. No Chakras. No heart. Yet there was one basic emotion in me: Curiosity. Those of you who are familiar with arcanas probably get it: In this universe, 0 is The Fool. And if we fools are one thing it's curious. Even though I had no feelings I wanted to experience existance. And since I was 0, I was unlimited potential - yet at the same time, nothing. So I was capable of creating all those things myself within my soul: I created my own chakras. My own astral body. That wasn't enough to be a real soul, so I too did split myself since all the other souls had opposites. I created a copy of myself for every of the 13 mayor dimensions and sent them on their own journey - my higher and lower selfes. I also tried to create my own twinflame - my own other, female me. But instead of creating partners as in polar opposites to be attracted to, I created sisters. Each a little different, female version of me. But not a twinflame. Until I finally did split myself instead of just creating female soul-clones. Thus - you might have guessed it - the soul of the woman I experienced those dreams with was created. But even though it was an success, I still lacked something. I was still 0, just a male 0 and she a female 0. So I have split myself again, one last time - into positive and negative. At the time we were both just 0 though, just two of us, but there was a plan: One was sent to "heaven" aka. the dimension of the angelic beings, the other into the "twisted realms", aka. "hell".

I'm gonna tell you right away shit did not work out as planned there. The soul I have sent into hell didn't manage to survive there and reincarnated in neutral dimensions. There it got into contact with angelics and ended up in their faction. I do not remember much about it, I lack a lot of info there. All I know is that they were playing world-police trying to help people in the universe. My role, accordingly to a spirit channeled, was to be a low-ranked general there, basically. But that info is, well, not very solid. However, I can make up for that with the story of the other half. It was sent to live with the angels into a peacefull massive village. In my dreams it looked huge like a town but with small buildings out of wood. I was supposed to become like them. But there was a problem. Since I was 0, my aura could not be read. It's like looking at a TV screen when there is no channel, just black and white snowstorms. Good luck pretending to be an angel with that kinda aura. And it gets worse. Something not angelic, incarnated in heaven? They were confused as fuck. The conclusion: I must be the devil. So they locked me away, tortured me, blamed me for everything bad that happened, forced me to commit every sin they could think of so that they would not and so on. The scapegoat. Extremely convenient for beings "without ego", if a human is being a dick you can blame his ego… but an angel? I know many of you believe them to be perfect so I don't expect anyone to believe… anyway, the thing is this: Something which has no own energy being concieved by a lot of powerfull beings as the ultimate demon eventually turns into what they believe it to be. I became part of their reality since I had no own. And thats what I had planned - I just didn't think they would do it like that. Eventually that part of me died still being a kid and, of course, charged with a shitton of negative wishes of angels in reincarnated as a demon. At least I still had one part of me hanging with angels and the other with demons but the plan itself was fucked.

So, there the demon part of me was. The oh so powerful ultimate evil? Fuck no. I was a scared as fuck kid filled with hate for the world that rejected it for being different. Shadows came out of my back and I was scared of them, they attacked anything that came close so I didn't die again to reincarnate and I would have just ended up the same anyway. Demons would feel my presence all the time, attack me, get consumed by the shadows and I just sat there crying. Honestly, that dream where I saw all this was the worst nightmare I had in my entire life. I had it for several days. Didn't want to go to bed and shit, almost stopped with all the spiritual bullshit there.

But then one day the dream was different. A demon with a humanoid upper half but a goat lower half was faster than my shadows. He managed to get close to me but instead of killing me and consuming my soul like it is the custom down there (thats how evolution works in hell) he hugged me. I know how gay this sounds, I am sorry. I don't know what he said, I had no words in my dream. But I understood that he acknowledged me for how strong I was even though I was just a kid and that he wanted to help me. Afterwards the shadows stopped. So did the dream.

The next day was really weird for me. I was in a trance like state all day, remembering all sorts of events related to this. This other demon, he became my big brother. Together we managed to ascend our way through hell. It's all about hierarchy down there. The strong ascend, the weak get absorbed. We were a good team and made it into the high ranks. I also met the dark half of my twinflame there.

Eventually, my big bro challenged the highest demon to take his place. Basically the demon half of source. He won and became him, but it changed him. His personality was gone. When I remembered that I cried for the first time in like 10 years feeling really fucking stupid. I lost my brother and was alone again.

Nice thread. Hanging.

Before I go on with what happened to my shadow I want to tell you about the one dream I managed to get about my other half. For some reason, as him I was a scientist in an really old looking city with lots of gold decoration. Plants hanging everywhere, lots of water. Apparently magic was a thing there in that dimension: I had built lots of shit using gems, living in the basement of an inn or restaurant or hotel or something. There was some science guild, but I was not part of it, they didn't want me. People there looked like humans in my dream but I am not sure, that one was really short and seemed like watching a movie in fast-foward. Until a certain scene where there was a huge storm. They fucked up an experiment and created a portal out of control. I tried to fix it with some round self-built magical device but it did not do shit. No hero story here. I died like everyone else. But as my soul left my body there, it saw another soul coming out of the portal. It came flying at me and fused with me. You can probably guess what that was.

Of course, my shadow-half decided to fight the king himself, as he took away my brother. Or rather, his soul destroyed his personality. And of course I got rekt. My body destroyed. By soul banished, sent away. Sent through space and time to whereever it would decide to pop up again.

Thats how we became one again and that was the last one of these dreams that really made any sense. I had a few others where I was a knight or a hunter but they were not as meaningful to me. Plus after this, I had enough from fucking with my dreams.

>>50669

You should watch the movie Revolver with Jason Statham.

"The biggest fraud he ever pulled on you, is making you believe you were him"

Enjoy it while it lasts. Whatever powers he gives you, so can God do.

>>50676

Honestly I am surprised that there are not a shitton of people calling my story fake and gay at this point. Which I would totally understand. I doubt my own mind a lot sometimes.

Anyway, right around after I had this phase, the magic of bilocation was gone. Every day our imagnation would become less and less capable of recieving the images from our bi-astral body. My dreams were reduced to sometimes seing a few seconds - for example, like I said, I saw myself as a knight. Was holding a glowing sword. But nothing was solid anymore.

There were a shitton of problems with my twinflame by then. Her life decided to fuck her: Her family getting cancer, her having to work all day just to survive, one bad thing after the other happening. She spent less and less time talking to me. I was clinging to her desperately and I could make a whole new chapter about this right here but whats the point when the end of the story is that if fate decides to not allow you to meet your other you, you are fucked and are going to stay lonely. Because I was so focused on fighting to keep her, I didn't spend much time with my spiritual comrades anymore. And since my only weapon was words I was not very successfull - no matter what you do, walls of text are just not alpha, no matter how true your words. Ok, I am half serious here, I might have been desperate but her situation was fucked anyway. It's a bit of both, me being a fag and that fighting for her being pointless anyway. Because she gave up. She was only living for others at that point. Who am I to tell her that she is just a slave to her family, nothing more, when I live on the other end of the planet? I astral projected to her once, I wanted to reach her soul but I ran out of time too quickly. Couldn't get close, got too exicted and shit. But damn… her mother adopted her, it's not her biological mother. And I have never felt anything so wrong than her aura. And I am really not good at this kinda shit but trust me when I say the case there was obvious. But I couldn't do anything.

You probably expect some kind of happy ending. But if there were I wouldn't be on a slow as fuck image board telling my story ton strangers right now now would there? Of course my story is still going on with my life… kinda. But the exciting part is over.

However, there is one thing. I took a lot of shrooms one day. I was like "fuck it", I just wanted to experience SOMETHING again so I took more then I usually would.

The hallucinations I had were that I could, for the first time, see the "shadows" with my physical eyes. Interestingly enough they were not black, but very colorful. They had many eyes and mouths and were all grinning like mad men, but it didn't feel like a shadow anymore.

By now I believe that my shadow might have taken the form of one because of his journey, but in reality we are more then one soul. I don't know what we were before we entered this universe if we were anything, but on my trip I could hear his voice in a different way - and it sounded like many, many voices.

I was never as happy in my life then I was on this trip.

I realize that many of you probably think I am just possessed by a demon and used by it. I know that from a objective point of view that opinion is the only sane thing to believe in and I respect that. However, my path is that of accepting my demon and not seeing it as something evil like everyone else does, but as a part of me. If that path, at the end of the journey of my soul, turns out to be wrong then so be it - it would be painfull, it would be sad, but I would not regret for this path is mine and mine alone, just like all of you have their own paths with their own mistakes and their own truths.

Ok, so, I probably forgot/skipped a lot of things here. The whole part after spirit science forums alone was happening for 5 years. And in the first ~3 of these years, shit happened every day. So if you guys have questions shoot and I might go into detail about stuff or remember another part of my journey worth telling. But it's 6am where I live so it's bed time for now.

Thanks to all those who actually took the time to read all this stuff.

>>50679

Special thanks to you man. We might not have the same opinion but I definetly understand where you are coming from and that you are just here to help people. But being able to write all this stuff down is already a lot of help in the first place.

>>50679

As for the powers "he" has given to me, my shadow is actually pretty useless when it comes to astral projection or other stuff like that. I tried to use him for it once. I was an aimless animal wandering through the astral in that, uh, mode of my soul.

He's not good for that kinda stuff. For my challenges I had to be human, not an animal. Though he does manage to give me motivation sometimes. He's not really "usefull" for any practical things in this world in general. Maybe if I would have become a soldier or something, I dunno. But it's not about who is useful to whom. We're simply partners for we are of the same soul.

Ok, so, bed time now but I'm gonna check this thread first time in the morning. And by morning I mean afternoon. It's 6am. Thank god it's holidays. See you guys.

Back

>>50680

Even if you were totally bullshitting, i can confirm enough of this is possible to where even if it's a lie, it's a valuable account.

>>50774

Not blaming anyone who thinks it is BS as I realize how crazy my path has been so far but yeah, especially the bilocation stuff is possible - however, you need to be able to put your imagnation into an meditative state where it "recieves" images instead of creating them - so that it is able to recieve the visual info from your astral body.

But I guess if someone mastered real astral projection thats way more awesome anyway.

By the way: Some spirits told me that they manipulate the imagination of people to make themself appear in works of fiction - it gives them power if people believe believe them to be powerful and when they are, lets say, the final boss in a popular videogame thats basically a really good cheat to recieve some extra mana.

Also, another thing I'd like to mention.

Since I am a soul from outside the universe even though that doesn't make me as special as it sounds - if anything it should make me LESS special - one effect it has is that fate treats me as an foreign body to this universe.

As many of you know a body is a really good model to explain how the universe works - and fate is pretty much the white blood cells. From what I have learned and observed Fate is a system that affects all the "random chance" in this universe to make sure things work out as the universe wants them to.

The people that believe in the whole deal with Atlantis and the people on mars fleeing there also believe that the meteor that supposedly came at them afterwards was sent by fate since the marsians escaping doom was not planned by it or just "unnatural" - not saying that this whole thing is true but it's a good example for fate doing stuff that some of you might be a little bit familiar with.

I have little else to give you except for a sincere thanks for telling this part of your lifestory, aside from some hope that you'll find your way (with or without the help of the universe).

One question:

what are you gonna do next?

>>50877

>what are you gonna do next?

Get high as fuck on shrooms to try an kundalini awakening meditation in hopes of aquiring more power over my reality and to prepare myself more for potential "happenings".

>>50949

get on skype dude.

>>50979

can i join the skype group PLEASE

add : duke.vual

>>50949

>>50949

Didn't tell my story to start some skype group secret club or something. Just saying.

>>50979

(But if you want contact I'll add you later.)

>>51056

Thank you for sharing your story OP

>>51025

There isn't really a Skype group, didi and I just both know Nobody hahaha

But we should totally make a secret club. We can call it the Jewluminati!

This story reminds of the taoist alchemy forum. The admin suddenly became some pick up artist and the forum deserted.

>>51058

Probably no need to be too "secret", but it would be awesome to have a decent group, without all those shitposters and memers that are currently infesting /fringe/'s skype group…!

>>51061

ouch

My Skype is wolfi92 (no, I'm not a goddamn furry, don't worry).

If you want to make a group as the indirect result of me just sharing my story I guess it couldn't hurt to be part of it. If you feel like it, invite me in.

>>51061

fuck off kike the skype group dindu nuffin wrong

>>51160

>implying it's any better

>>51176

>I think hes implying a secret group of shills wades through shitposters to find the shills amongst them

Lord of Shills

PRAISE HIM O LORD OF SHILLS

>>51178

this.

>>50673

When i was 16 i first thought.

"hey! maybe angels are dicks too!"

I felt ultra blasphemous but that thought just kinda sat there without input.

>>50661

Loved your story. I'm just happy I have something to contribute. I watched spirit science but was already far along enough to know a lot of it was bullshit. He seemed to be about my age and I was intrigued, my only learning had come from meditation and I was happy to see anyone trying to figure things out and suggest theories.

I was lucky enough to cross paths with him about 6 months later on the internet over social media. We had many long conversations over Skype but mostly messaging.

We talked a lot about mundane stuff and he seemed like a very compassionate person. All in all I'm here to report, he really didn't know much about things spiritual. He seemed interested in things I had to tell him and learned a lot but he didn't seem to really know things for himself in his heart. He was more like a spokes person for the spiritual community than "a wise one". I never asked him how he came up with spirit science it just seemed like that would somewhat end the relatability of our sharing life experiences and spiritual discussion. So there you have it.

>>51475

Glad that you liked it.

Doesn't surprise me, in the end Jordan was just as much of a fool as we all are. Only that he rejected the rest of the fools that thought he wasn't one and didn't join in in their adventures of bilocation and exploring their own souls. Not that I blame him. This childish kind of adventuring through spirituality certainly isn't for everyone.

Have my own much tamer situation. I was lied to a lot as a child by those people I should have been able to trust most after I was about 6. My mother used to attend meditation stuff and I caught wind of this and used edgy as fuck music to focus in on my anger and hate (I was a fucking edgy 8-9 year old) the end result was me making a deal with myself that I to this day wonder what I was fucking with. I asked only to be stronger, smarter, I tried to carve out most of my own emotions, only succeeded in twisting them perversely, joy became sadistic glee, sadness became a boggy emotional mess I avoided like the plague, love became hate, anger and hate became happiness and pleasure I could still feel the normal forms of them now that ai think back (except sadness that just fucked me up) but not nearly as often as their twisted edgy forms. Got fantastic grades through the rest of my childhood. While also performing some seriously fucked up mindgames against my mother who I erroneously believed to be my enemy. People feared, respected me or thought me a freak or some combination thereof, I was edgy as all fuck, gleefully sadistic whenever the part of me I made a deal with was promiment and eternally cold and calculating. This all came to a head by age 15 when I went completely insane for a little while sadness crept in and planted itself securely causing me to lose my shit and have something of an internal battle between dark and light. In my edgy meditations as a child I explored somewhere that was full of pain and maniacal laughter probably myself if anything. Now I'm older and find I'm still not 100% right. I have had a change of heart from edgtastic fedora-tipping malicious bastard who could pick people apart to the point of leaving them a mess in a few minutes to a much less edgy faithful and penitent (if unbaptised due to parents) man who seeks to stop being so damn dark, twisted and edgy without letting my sadness crush me. The real thing bugging me about all of this are the questions of "what did I exchange in the deal?" "who or what did I make that deal with?" "When does it expire?" And "how do I get out of it cleanly?"

>>51501

Thanks for sharing. Sounds to me like you made a deal with your shadow, giving him as much power as he wanted but never accepted him and never cared about your inner light. Seeing as you worry so much about what you made a deal with, it seems to me like you are slightly afraid of facing it even though it was part of you for all your life.

Maybe try to just take some shrooms and meditate in a completely dark room with the goal of just talking to him, with the goal of the two of you accepting each other. I bet that will help you - as long as you remember that he is you and that there is no need to fear him, no matter how dark and edgy he is.

>>51501

I can totally relate to that, except at some point I stopped really feeling anything.

Tbh I wish I could find more people who feel like they are the same like me, even though the success rate with that has not been too amazing.

Also, another experience I had a few days ago:

>take shrooms to activate my kundalini

>meditate in a completely dark room to kundalini awakening binaural beats

>end up having deep konversation with my shadow instead, fortifying my believes about the nature of my soul

>feel like either my kundalini was already awake and I just expected too much from it or I don't have a kundalini/chakras and my soul just won't work that way

Oh well. It was still an amazing experience, 8,5/10 would recommend - especially to those who are still in the process of finding out who or what they are, soul-wise.

Nice to see others have gone a similar path. Mine is also full of insanity. I'll just give highlights, it's way too long. Anyways it all started around puberty when I started having visions of the future. I also could see various spirits and entities. So that continued until I moved away from my literal witch mother. At that point I found an online psychic school. I honed my skills and shit went crazy. I met a lot of entities of every kind, got deep into magic.. as a consequence demons were a regular occurrence and I would defeat them and eat them. Man I don't even want to go on. Fast forward to now and calling on Michael got rid of the demons, but also everything else.. I can still see the future and pull off many many tricks however. The cognitive dissonance is strong. I try to live a normal life, but the powers that be won't let me forget what I am.

>>50920

>>50672

Oh my, two special snowflakes in one thread. What are the odds?

Interesting how everyone is always a knight, or rare-void-being, or enchanted-wolf-from-mars. It makes me wonder why all those beings who once ruled hell itself are doing living off others or working shitty jobs in IT-companies while taking shrooms every other week.

I remember this thread from a year or so ago, possibly on 4chan.

I'm just a lurker who comes here to laugh.

>>50656

>And then, something amazing happened. Now I can talk to animals! It's totally cool, but totally secret. And you know what? Life's never been the same.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167743/quotes

This demon or "dark side" creature is so obviously deceiving him. What makes yo think your visions/dreams/channels whatever are even accurate. I heard tons of similar stories of aliens and demons fabricating false past lives and scenarios for their victims to numb them and get their favor.

>>57192

all lies are truths

creation is imagination

fantasy is reality

>>57192

When I, at first, thought he actually was a demon people told me "WRONG, that must be your shadow."

When I believe he is my shadow, people say "WRONG, he must be a demon controlling you."

I do not care anymore what others want me to be - they just want others to be wrong about who they are because they have not found themself. I simply am rolling with what feels right. If that turns out to be wrong in the end: So be it. Life and especially picking a spritual path is just a gamble from an objective perspective, anyway.

As for the whole "hurr durr special snowflake" thing: Every soul is unique, every soul is special in some way, the universe is old and so are most souls and during almost every souls existance something about it changed that makes it different from the others. Everyone is special - which is making being special less special, but who cares as long as one can identify with who he thinks he is and is happy that way?

We're all just fools anyway, experimenting until we get it "right". And there is nothing wrong with that.

I understand, however, that it is important to stay humble about who you are, no matter what that might be. There is no "better". And if I were to be wrong about that and there is a "better" that one, in my opinion, has the responsibility to not be a dick about it.

So I'll stop defending myself - judge me as much as you like.

OP there is no such thing as fate and no such thing as random chance, please read The Arcane Teachings.

So much disinfo in this thread holy fuck.

Of course if I'm going to call you all out on this I have to explain what here is disinfo.

Well, your perspective and your understanding of self are completely convoluted and wrong, and because of this y'all are getting taken on a wild ride through maya.

If you want to know your real past the technique and skill required takes years to develop and it has to be done very meticulously and carefully and it also requires a correct and clear conceptualization of the true nature of reality. You can unravel your past very slowly, first though you should practice unraveling the past of objects and other things that aren't you, and then using whatever objective means you have to confirm the accuracy of your past-time psychomancy. You also need to discover the noise and learn the intricacies of fine tuning your signal and filtering out the disinfo crap that isn't supposed to be there. Part of that is mostly just developing extreme levels of concentration.

You must understand that you are not a body at all. Nobody is. All bodies are not of spirit though spirit works through them. Mental bodies, physical bodies, universal bodies… you can identify with whatever you want but you're only where your awareness is. You can experience wonderful things in the astral, anything you want, be whoever you want, it doesn't mean you are them - or that you are not. They are just there to be experienced. You can be "me" if you want and you can convince everyone that you are me in a case of cosmic identity theft. Not that you are likely to be privileged to this power anytime soon yet, the many desires have a way of competing with each other to ensure only the responsible tend to receive the higher powers.

I have traveled far along the path, seen and experienced many remarkable things, not doubting but always intending to see clear, to see truth, deduce principles, peel away the dressings, connect everything into a working modality.

Your accounts are entirely believable so far as "it makes sense that you experienced these things" but your conclusions and your assumptions are murky and holding you back from real power. Your focus as well is not where it should be. At this time you should not be yearning to discover your past, to find some nebulous twin souls or fragments of yourself, or any other such metaphysical experiments. If you care to progress, to develop self-mastery, etc. focus on grasping the most simple metaphysical truths and by this I absolutely do NOT mean spiritual platitudes of which there are thousands being repeated likes memes all over the place. I mean discovering how reality is constructed and operates, how it connects and corresponds, how the 7 hermetic axioms can be used to reveal truth, the true nature of your self (awareness + will), etc.

It's a slow, tedious process, not very dramatic, but with far greater reward than living out and reliving your special snowflake experiences via the astral.

Think of your life right now. The one you're living on Earth. Is it worth remembering? Is it a "lie"? Yes, you are definitely experiencing this, living this; it is real but it is also trivial. Full of distractions to keep you in Saṃsāra.

Don't cling to the past, forget the past – for now. Your mind's too much of a mess right now to see clear. Later on you can know the past history of anything you want with great ease. One of the absolute worst things you did was to assume certain things and then prove them right rather than having a clear intention and a pure desire to know exactly what is.

>>57192

OP should read montalk's text about disinformation.

http://montalk.net/matrix/118/methods-of-deception

http://montalk.net/matrix/128/the-trap-of-combative-dualism

http://montalk.net/metaphys/127/standards-of-channeling

It seems he's stuck around the 5th or 6th level of channeling.

>>57257

>Given how much New Agers love auras, I would have thought there'd at least be a plethora of nonsensical information to read through. This is the first anyone else has referenced to it, and I've been looking for some time.

psst, hey kid, wanna see some auras? I have a good book on the matter and a ritual I made myself to see it + a formula for seeing it that is perfect.

>>57261

Daddy told me never to accept rituals off strangers.

10 easy steps? I suppose scientists hate you as well.

>>57261

>>57262

Robert Bruce's guide to seeing auras is legit. It worked for me at least. It's alright I guess.

>>57262

It's like 3-4 easy steps with a lot of commentary though: https://archive.is/L16CF ) and >>>/4chon/94834

>>57270

Fuck Robert Bruce, he's such a Brainless Sissy Retard occultist, so much disinformation from that guy. I don't doubt you saw an aura with whatever technique he described but it's probably not THE aura which is actually useful for occultists to see (namely, the visual representation of the desire-force in everything). I bet he has you see the energetic/electric aura... not very useful.

>>57190

Are you retarded m8

In my experience, there is no "right" or "wrong" in spirituality - what works as absolute, proven truth for one person might be the complete opposite what another believes, yet that person also gets results.

I've been talking to a lot of people about those topics and if there is one thing I have learned about "right and wrong", it's that usually those people who have nothing better to do but to judge other peoples experiences to tell them how wrong they are are usually those who are the most insecure and disloyal about their own believes. And of course they are also complete dicks who try to impose their believes on others and think they are the evil ones if they don't throw all their believes away just because a complete stranger on the internet tells them to.

OP has his perspective, everyone else has their own, nothing wrong with sharing but don't judge as long as it is not hurting anyone.

And if you must judge: Why not try to focus on where you agree instead of focusing on where you disagree? If you want to help others, first you gotta form a bond. That is not done by fighting.

>>61939

>your

omg

tu quoque, brutus

>>50682

>Maybe if I would have become a soldier or something, I dunno.

Though it sounds like you have been in other lives.

You said you were originally a "0".

I wonder if that's any different than any of us in a way.

Do not we all have the potential for anything, are we not all nothing?

Or have come from nothing/infinity.

>>50817

Hm, nevermind then?

I dunno.

I don't *think* I'm foreign.

It seems strange that you'd be alive if you were actually foreign, but I have no idea!

I wonder.

>>50920

SS.

I meant to tell you that you've given me inspiration/path. I've adopted akasha rather than water, and had already been seeking the center.

Though I'll have to decide whether to be white or grey.

Reading more, I've had a similar upbringing…

I haven't delved far enough, and had always suppressed/ignored my shadow, assuming the path into light being better/the one I'd found myself upon to bring myself out of the darkness/isolation I'd been in.

Because I'd been hurt by the darkness in others, I'd rejected the darkness in me.

I'd assumed darkness was simply a lack of love, and light being an abundance of it.

This seemed to be a conclusion from meditations I've done lead by a certain being named Orin (I came to the conclusion on my own, when shadow/hurt/clingy parts of me came up, that lowering anxiety involved loving myself more).

I've integrated my shadow-bits as they came up, and with my higher self too.

I don't know what Kind I am yet.

Only what I'm attracted to. Which is the path of nonduality/nonjudgment.

I've had a person rooted in physicality tell me "I've known you for 10 years and I still can't get a read on you". I don't know if he said that to boost my ego, as I like that, and he's smart enough to manipulate

*justification

(but values me for some reason, probably is or was energy draining reasons. I find him valuable to deflate an overinflated ego because he tells me when I'm teaching him too much by reacting negatively, but perhaps I should let him go. He's the only person I know who likes shitposts/racism, and perhaps I should choose not to actively engage him even on that level.

I tend to be a calming presence, and his is a troubled mind, so that's probably why he likes me.

).

*

Another person who is somewhat psychic told me she couldn't read me, unlike others.

*navel gaze

I've suddenly realised that my masculinity is tied to my shadow self and my twin's femininity is tied to her shadow self.

*

Later, I realised:

a neutral entity bringing balance to another being (universe).

A word for that, to me, is "medicine."

I still have no idea what to do with my darkness.

I've been into martial arts and it brings out parts of me that have been ignored, but I don't know how shadowy that is, and whether I'm more neutral or light aspected, even though my actions are generally to attempt to assist that with less power. I'd have to get over my belief of evil to get past a certain point there. So, just getting farther spiritually.

This article talks about false light.

http://in5d.com/why-i-am-no-longer-a-lightworker/

which made me wonder if that's the type of heaven you incarnated in by splitting yourself.

Maybe the void is the origin, the male, and this physicality is the female.

Shiva Shakti.

I wonder if all true consciousness within this physicality is not of it.

>>51501

Read this, it's partly about cancelling contracts. Contracts are only as valid as you perceive them to be. Push only as much as you "need" to, and let go. Letting go is dissipation, pushing becomes pulling becomes pushing.

>>57256

Sounds extremely legit. I'm attempting to skip past the layers that the OPost entails.

>>57259

Probably also cool. I imagine this is what the article I linked said.

Spiritual Research Foundation also mentions illusion in channeling but they don't seem to know anything about other dimensions/twin flames so I didn't pursue that.

>>57274

what's this supposed to do? sounds kinda cool.

Thanks anon

You don't know how your threads help me .

One of my night mares is that there is only one of us

A fucking copy over and over all of them unawere of himself only a shared dream

We're everyone and everything goes unto the one me or any other fucker awakes and find himself alone trying to sleep againg to have that sweet dreams again to hold the eternity until GOD came for him or anything else,

If you are part of the void means there's something else, someting diferent not just one ,yes the one may be the 99 of the universe but at least there is other 1% someone else's

There is not one without two

There is not infinite whitaud finite

Nobody you just kill my nightmare.

Namaste,gracias, arigato

>>62044

I have realised this as well, friend.

It's only a nightmare because you believe it so.

True realisation brings peace, equanimity.

I'm not quite there yet, but those who have found the center are such.

I've been really paranoid my whole life because of a specific thing that has been happening to me. I've being seeing this faceless figure, with gray skin and humanoid anatomy constantly, and he's always immersed in some kind of dense fog. He would always appear randomly throughout my life, until one day, he sat right beside me and touched my foot while I was lying down on my bed, as he touched me, I felt this intense pain rushing through my whole body, as if I was being eletrocuted, and I heard a very loud shrieking noise, then it was followed by a very bright white light. Since then, I never saw him again. What is this entity? What is he doing to me? Does he fit into any patterns?

>>62067

ask the question thread