So last night i had a dream and during that dream i went lucid. meeting up with three other lucid entities. We were talking about what we could do in real life when we wake up, ways to make money and possible meet each other. Some time later a dream NPC told me that i would be unable to achieve my goals without confronting "him" This referencing to a tulpa i locked away many years ago after he challenged me.
(long version) when i was 18 i started having these really bad night to night nightmares, i would wake up happy they were over only to go back to bed and wake up in a continuation. i watched terrible beings bring about the apocalypse. Every dream was a struggle to keep me and my comrades alive. this lasted for about five years. i saw things i will never be able to forget, things that the worst graphic videos in real life don't even come close to. it was my own person hell. During this time i was an alter ego of myself, someone who was living this hell had feelings and memories of an alternative life. One night i was sleeping and actually having a normal dream. i was standing on one side of a huge lake and i noticed someone was standing on the other side, it turned out to be the alternate version of me from the hellish dreams. We fought for control over the lake and in the end a won. At this point i learned about mental barriers and started putting them up every day until the dreams stoped and i could no longer feel his presence.
i created a lot of personalities during this time so i considered him basically a tulpa i used to handle my dreams.
Anyways back to last night i was told i had to confront him, i was hoping it would go well as i have been trying to unlock him for the past year to bring him back… i feel i went about things the wrong way when i locked hi away. I called out to him in the his old name and nothing came, so i called out to him in a special name…….. i hear him screeching and rushing to my location… i have not felt this kind of fear in years especially in a fucking lucid dream. Before i can react to him he's already standing in front of me wearing tattered robes and using one of his greatest fears as a weapon, without hesitation he tries to fucking kill me and i can do nothing but run away. every time i think i gain some distance he is right fucking their ready to kill me, so before he can finish me off i force myself awake.
I realize now locking him up was wrong but fuck now i can't even speak with him because he seems to have lost his shit, more than ever i want to keep him locked up but at the same time i also want him released. When i locked him away i locked in some important parts of myself and i have no clue what to do now… im also starting to wonder if he is even a tulpa or something more. i can crush or silence my tulpa when need be but i have absolutely no control over this being.
What would you do, how would you proceed, How the hell do i get him back if in the one place i have total control (lucid dream) i can't even connect with him. Have any of you ever had similar experiences? i want him back he represented my strengths and my best self… but in the state he's in now wtf do i do. Also given this do you think he is a tulpa or something else?