/fringe/ - Fringe

I am curious if there are any on /fringe/ whom practice this sort of magic? I would like to know more about guardian constructs and totems within occultism and how to better understand the principles regarding them.

As is, I should probably say that personally I am very new to this sort of idea– some years back I began dating a girl whom was a very active practicing Hermetic Witch. She had her small coven of friends in college and she with her gifts was the one to point out that I had something with me that wasnt actually so much a part of me, but wasnt natural either. when consulting an older friend of ours whom had been a part of the houston area pagan groups, we began to narrow down the source of this thing. You have to realize, I'm an ex-STEM field studen, so I tend to be very very harshly critical of this sort of stuff; what my ex and her friends stumbled on was that what I was doing was having created a sort of spirit construct subconciously. Now I have had more magically leaning friends in the past, but they always commented on that they couldnt get a read on me, felt like something heavy was blocking anything from me on that sort of astral level. turns out this might have been the cause- the golem protecting me from probing minds.

The thing that gave them the idea that it was a golem, was a story I told em, up until then I had never told anyone about it feeling as if I would sound crazy. the story goes that when I was a kid, I didnt have much for toys– I had building toys and that was it– cheaper than action figures, right? anyways… I used to keep some of the more special models i built on the back of my bed. One night I suddenly wake up for no real reason, rolling over to see movement on the top of my bed (a futon that was folded) one of the models was moving about, it almost seemed like it had up until that point, had been pacing or even patroling. the model stopped, turned and looked at me (I built these toys with a great deal of articulation) with its eyes lit up. naturally I freaked and snapped it to pieces and chucked it across the room, falling back asleep some time later after the fear wore off. when I recounted this to our friends, they laughed and said I broke my own guardian I had built.


So here I am now, a few years down the road. I havent been able to find any real literature on this sort of phenomena, and the most I know about this is that I need to make a physical totem to bind a golem to– somewhat mirroring the shape of what it looks like, in order to make it work. I gave my last totem to my ex for safe keeping while I've been moving around, but find that its harder and harder to manifest the presence of the golem (whom I've come to name 'rook'). I worry for my construct and would like to know more about this. I want to know if this is all in my head or am I really capable of something more than being a mundane scholar of the occult?