/fringe/ - Fringe

I've got a new ideology going for me. Unlike you OP. What are you trying to achieve? Your life sounds pretty boring. What's the point of doing all that? You become a very rounded person, so what? Is it what you really want? If anyone does this will it make him less miserable? My assumption is even when an average depressed /b/tard started doing all this, it wouldn't make him feel better. He would become a cocky bastard, yes, but slowly, he would go into despair. It has happened to many. Look at Zyzz for example. He thought that working out and fucking bitches will make him feel high on life, but no, we all see where that ended. Maybe that's what you really want, so i won't blame you.

As for me, i do absolutely nothing, im trying to start doing Alchemy, i just gotta build a lab, so i'm currently gathering materials.

>>34394

Exactly. Self improvement isn't bad, but it's bad when someone says "i'm happy because im improving my self".

self improvement is masturbation

>>34395

what's wrong with being happy from seeing yourself improve?

being able to lift weights that I couldn't lift last year makes me happy, being able to program better makes me happy, reaching into deeper trance and achieving various things through magic makes me happy.

though I suppose it's not self improvement in particular that makes me happy, it's achievement.

I'd be lying if I said seeing my new and improved body in the mirror didn't fill me pride and joy.

>>34412

Because that's an outright lie. Your body does fill you with pride and joy. But what if you suddenly got extremely ill, and couldn't life those heavy weights no more? What would you do? That's the reason people kill themselves when loved ones pass away, they don't have this or that or any other bullshit.

>>34417

That's absolutely retarded. You're applying Squall logic to your body. Though I find it entertaining

>>34418

Well look here, the reason im typing this is because im really miserable. Otherwise i'd probably be just reading this.

So im a silly mundane, i get that, i don't care that much, but like everyone, i do have a strong desire of social status. So i try achieving that, i try, try, try, all i got was frustration and sadness. Everyone was picking on me. So i come to /fringe/, see some guy posting about the fact that happiness isn't in the external things, it's inside. So i start seeing this everywhere. People putting their identity, happiness, meaning, whatever, into everyday shit they do; phones, cars, relationships, hobbies, and from that arises a great fucking desperation in everyone's little hearts.

With figuring that out, i disconnected my self from everything (emotionally). And it worked. I started to become good at those things. Even if they have failed, it wouldn't budge me at all. But this time the great sadness has come back. How i don't know. As i said, the typing of this is the outcome of that same emotion. Otherwise i wouldn't be writing this. Perhaps this is a cry out for help, for a guideline, anything, to make me happy. But if it did make me happy, it would contradict everything i just said.

>>34407

masturbation is self improvement

>>34420

You can't have peak experience all the time

>>34437

But "everything is possible with magic"? I'm not saying i should be at my best all the time, but it almost feels like i jump between two personalities. As i said, i would have been doing something else right now. But instead, im a wreck and looking for answers.

>>34439

Like the guy in the video says, learn the trick to switch your peak self on. It's a long video but its worth listening to.

>>34440

I'll watch it, im studying right now. Thanks anyways.

>>34441

It's long winded but it gives you a good understanding of that "on" state.

Working on my mindset and mental thoughts. Instead of thinking about inane shit or bad things from the past, I try to keep visualizations going of things I want in life on a constant basis.

>>34420

I'm quite different. When I was little kid, I was casted away from every group, and I myself despised to identify myself with the values of others.

So I grew without desire. Approval, possessions, the pleasures that others had been told as the greatest things and thus wanted to attain since young age, I never wished for them.

However, I soon found this to be quite the curse. No holding lust even for knowledge, I submerged myself in escapism until my teenage years. And I realized with all my time fantasizing that my wish was indeed to wish something.

I started "working out" when I was thirteen in home, where I have always done exercise. I had idolized heroes and thought that if I could protect someone maybe there would still be meaning to my existence. Since about five years ago I started fitting perfectly with normal people. I was quite the goody two shoes back then, though, and I felt repulsed at their coping strategies, badmouthing people that weren't there right now. I still had vitality to get angry at things and the impulse to change them. However, a couple of years ago, suicide sprints left me devoid of any kind of hatred, anxiety, anticipation or worries. Not with the most mundane things as exams or presentations, nor with the more horrid things that you could imagine. I felt myself grow emptier as I pushed the limits of my body harder, and soon I found joy only in those minutes where I could actually feel alive, breathless, close to the doors of death. The deep philosophy and fiction that I valued as a teenager appears now dull and superfluous. I am barely in my twenties, but I mocked and called pseudointelectual a teacher in a meeting when I saw that she had movies like Minority Report, Matrix and samples of the literary contests of the university. Nowadays, I train two or three hours a day, read during the same amount of time a week and sleep the rest of the time. I don't have a sense of self, and I don't value my life.

"My existence may be meaningless, but the path I choosed isn't". Thinking that, I continued believing only in believing, in those ideals that defined me and that I truly desired. I commit myself without hope of ever being rewarded. Unaware of loss nor aware of gain. This life needs no meaning. I have no regrets. This is the only path. My whole life was Unlimited Sprint Works

>>34420

wow you're just edgy

>>34444

The only thing I can agree with in your post is this

>This life needs no meaning

Everything else just makes you sound depressed and edgy. Seriously why are you trying to turn everything into a problem? Something that must be changed? Why not just experience. A "goal" or "meaning" might come eventually, maybe not, it doesn't matter. It just looks like you're putting on a mask trying to be something because you can't handle "reality"