>>53652
>as I am too fucking weak to be able to do it on my own.
No, you're not weak, and it's that mentality which leaves you open to external manipulation. Meditate, open your chakras, get physical exercise, be stronger. You already have all the power you could possibly ever need within yourself, it is only a matter of choice to use it.
Most importantly, accept that you control your own fate, you are the universe, you are the cause and the effect. When you understand that it is yourself, it will be easy to forgive your mother for her role in your life, and to forgive yourself for lacking this understanding before. When you accept yourself fully you become your own influence, leaving no room for external manipulation. The strength is already in you.