/fringe/ - Fringe

>>66928

sounds like an easy way to go insane

Ego death is the path I found myself on. I'm a few weeks down the rabbit hole, and as far as I can tell, the worst has passed (hope is a fragile thing, but one would rather not consider the possibility that there are pits to come deeper than those safely etched in distant memory).

Silence is golden, but one takes comfort in the understanding that confidentially is our shared business, and keeping a secret comes far more naturally when the alternative is to have others see you for the madman or monster you know yourself to be. I won't tell a lie; It hurts me immensely sometimes to have nobody to speak frankly to about such matters as these.

I have my suspicions of who amongst my colleagues may be in on the joke, or who may have it still coming to them, but even if certainty were possible in this lifetime, what could possibly be said aloud? Besides; I expect it manifests differently to everyone (but then, who can know know for sure but the dead? And they've been fickle in that respect thus far).

Incidentally, any word on what comes to pass if you violate silence, so to speak? Is it even possible to bring yourself to do it? Like all things, my comprehension is shallow on such matters. Hopefully, with time, I will build up a better picture in my head of just what the fuck is going on.

Additionally, is it our place to try and bring illumination to some of those around us (such as they are), or are such things not left to the whims of nostalgic fools such as myself? One would like to believe that my life from now on is not solely comprised of myself, the dreamer, and I. Do ripples stemming from from the beach reach the sands of distant lands, or have we always walked alone, and only come to realise this when we are made whole?

Though tempted to try, there's really nothing to say that could safely bottle up Truth for any eager wanna-be occultists out there (and I have no interest in giving the game away for those who have not seen the strings), so I shall leave with a riddle as old as the rising moon and the setting sun: you're born, and you die. The magic is what happens in-between.

Honestly, though. Never been less alone, yet never felt so isolated. Is there anyone out there?

i need this

>>66952

Don't worry

We are still here

I come to the conclusion that even if we are one , there are barriers that keep the illusion of duality

And I thank God for it.

Any of you when insane and remember?

I went insane once but I don't remember and is a kind of a torture, what the he'll did I know that I prefer to go insane and forget about it?

This is why now I have more respect for the ocult, some of this trues are real mind virus, fully capable of making you insane or suicidal, mundanes are living in a paradise becose of his ignorance and only people who is ready to trow themselves in the rabbit hole are ready for this.

>>66952

>>66952

>Never been less alone, yet never felt so isolated.

♪I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time. Are you at one, or do you lie?♪ Bush- Glycerine

>>66960

>>66960

I went very insane for ~12 hours and remember half of it. I somewhat remember the other half, but it was too big of an experience for there to be much memory of it. Deep down there is a memory of the timelessness that was felt, and sometimes to this day I'm brought back and have flashbacks of it.

5 years of mild insanity later I started feeling more grounded and like myself again. Almost 10 years later I feel as though I have a good grip on it. It was worth the pain.

I've experienced many demons and non-visible entities, but I've yet to summon any as I still have more learning to do on the occult. I've been visited around 40 times by succubus in a half-sleep state. One of them stuck its 15 inch tongue down my throat and it felt just like it would in the physical.

>>66981

What you're talking about isn't ego death, but I understand that because of your pride you will do anything you can to hold on to the illusion that it is.

Eckhart Tolle doesn't prove anything, he's a snake oil salesman.

>>66986

I think you're misusing/misunderstanding the term ego and death. You seem to think it's something beyond what it is.

It's simply the dissolution of the programmed shell over the spirit. Just because you shed that does not mean you will have all sorts of mystical experiences (all though it certainly does make it easier).

I have no pride to hold on to. I don't care what any one thinks. I only do what is most effective for my spiritual growth and what I can do to help others along the way.

>>66928

>permanent psychedelic abilities

Heh..

The more my awareness increases, the sharper my memory becomes. Explain that. Another term to be had is: flow state.

>>66966

That's really foul, might have been a grey finger or reptilian penis.

>>67044

since when did ed repka start doing album covers for rap artists? I thought he was death metal/thrash only

>>66928

Sounds like a fancy way of committing suicide.

Why not just use a helium bag?

Sure, it doesn't give someone else the possession of your physical body along with "psychic powers", but why would you care about that anyway?

>>67097

The incarnation of Wotan (Hitler) was said to have lost World War II because he could not let go of his ego. How, then, does one remain alive while experiencing an ego death? Is not the ego your life itself? One may create a tulpa, and that tulpa can (if you give it your permission) possess you. After a while, it can become so good at possession that it can remain in that state indefinitely, with you in the tulpa/dream character state. If you wonder away and tell said tulpa never to interact with you again, you could escape into the recesses of the mind and be consumed as nothing more than another puppet dream character.

What distinguishes this from ego death?

I get the impression you still feel like you're the same being, but altogether changed.

Alas, form is emptiness, and emptiness is form!

>>67131

>Is not the ego your life itself?

Far from it, although, regarding most mundanes this question certainly does apply.

You've got your ego (Atkinson called it Personality, some call it causal self and many more) which is your day-to-day personality, and then you have your Higher Self (Atkinson called it Ego, some call it Atman, some call it acausal self etc.). When you experience ego death you are pure bliss and consciousness and you can do your true Will undisturbed by your petty ego.

>>67136

Still seems to me like two entirely different entities.

>>66928

>Bipolar person has manic episode, misinterprets it as profound ego death and enlightenment when it's just a psychiatric condition often expressed as a psychotic break following intense psychological trauma.

Tell me what happened before you became one with the all, OP.

>>67157

And you are right. Ego and Atman are different entities, but only Atman is real. People make a mistake of identifying with their egos, and ego is ultimately an illusion.

>>66952

>the feeling that any outside response is just an echo you forgot the source

seems lonely as fuck if you ask me.

But then I bet there is a lot "more" out there.

In a less finit-y world …

>>67136

>>67199

So, then, what happens upon the creation of a local thoughtform? Does it too have an Atman, or is it merely an extension of you, as technically its soul is yours?

Essentially, there is another consciousness in your mind, and it's alive just like you, with feelings and memories (essentially it's like your child). The way I hear "ego-death" is that it can happen under very stressful circumstances, and your mind will essentially create a new ego to replace the old one. The exact same process happens early in life (although there's no ego yet), and also when someone creates a sapient thoughtform (although it's filtered through the first, the host, consciousness). And so, the dissipation, or killing of a servitor/tulpa is the same process being done to yourself. What you are saying, then, is that, on a higher level, both a tulpa of yours and yourself are artificial consciousnesses?

This sounds interesting, and I like the idea of becoming a nation, but I've begun to create a tulpa (she's sapient now), and I don't ever want to lose her. Can we both in effect survive the experience?

Without an ego, we are organs acting as one. A system's parts ought not to have an ego, unless they can learn to handle it, and therefore direct itself where needed. I've read that, due to the Lucifer experiment, we were given our egos too soon, and certain archangels had taken away certain powers in order that we don't lose ourselves to corruption.

>>67217

>as technically its soul is yours?

Or rather, as it is a living being, is it that it does have a soul of its own, but you are the one who owns it? Like, they're your buddy and alive, but they have no Atman of their own?

>>67217

Basically everything has Atman. All is mind, therefore the difference between a "local thoughtform" and yourself is only the matter of degree. We are more complex, but that's just it.

>The way I hear "ego-death" is that it can happen under very stressful circumstances

That's more like an exception than a rule.

>both a tulpa of yours and yourself are artificial consciousnesses

Define artificial.

Not being there simply means that you assume your connection to surroundings, it is not actually ego death, but instead being observant, with no mind. Desire certainly does not have to any relation to magical desires, nor do I think they really can, and it may be the end of magic development.

This thread really showed how most of the people on this board dont even know about enlightenment/egodeath

>>66928

This is almost exactly how I would describe my experience after taking ketamine.

My personality was stripped away and then my memories, conception of language and time. It was quite a long difficult process of acceptance after analysing and realising the death of progressively deeper aspects of what I considered myself. Eventually I was left with an experience I considered the universe (and myself) as an incomprehensible pulsating violet light.

When I returned I was very aware of how my friends ego's were trying to project themselves.

>>68089

>You retards

>you would be a comma patient

>comma patient

>comma

>mm

ebin

>>70077

Nah, it's the confusion between people who use the WWA definition of Ego and those who don't.

>>70120

Can you explain? Google showed nothing.

I've experienced some degree of what you guys describe, at least regarding the negative feelings when facing ego loss. Between getting deep into occult ideas, and exploring mushrooms and marijuana, I started getting intense bouts of derealization, nihilism, paranoia, anxiety, and depression. But now I've concluded that this isn't because of a full ego loss, but in fact it's the ego strengthening itself when threatened with its death.

I like to imagine it simply as a circle, where the line is the border between the ego and the rest of the world, creating individual identity. When a person has a spiritual experience, it's like the line of the circle becomes dotted or even disappears entirely. The ego is integrating with the rest of the universe. But sometimes this leads to an adverse, fearful reaction where the line doubles or triples to make sure that shit doesn't happen again. When this happens, we feel like we can't trust reality, we can't connect to people, we can't find a meaning to life so we become paralyzed and depressed, etc. - basically going insane. Some people confuse this with enlightenment, convinced they've seen reality for what it is and it's a bleak view. What's really happening is that you're in an unbalanced state of overthinking. You're invested too deeply in thoughts, when thoughts are something within reality and cannot encapsulate the whole of reality. You're ignoring the other aspects of your reality like your emotions and physical form, so these lose their energy to your thoughtforms, leading to numbness, lethargy, and the sense of "sinking into" yourself while the world remains at a far distance from you.

I really good exercise I once heard in combatting this is to remind yourself: "If reality isn't 'real,' and my thoughts and feelings are part of reality, then they aren't 'real' either." For me, this really sets things in the right perspective, including what the word "real" truly means to us. It almost immediately gives me a sense of liberation and euphoria.

I hope this helps anyone currently struggling with this issue.

>>67131

Where did you find out that Hitler was Wodan reincarnated?

>>70142

Basically William Walker Atkinson's meaning of Ego is different to all the other occultists, like Montalk.

Atkinson means the higher self sort of ego, the I AM and the such while Montalk and pretty much everyone else mean the lower animal self when they say ego.

This means that fans of different occultists will now argue between mastering the ego and destroying it while talking about 2 entirely different things.

I have a question!!!

I have experienced this while trying to fall asleep and trying to stay conscious. It went like vooooooooooooooo and I started seeing things. I snapped out of it and any amount of light in my room I couldn't look at it.

My question is, could I have merged my gnosis with someone else's and when they take cocaine they monopolize all the gnosis to their mind? Cause now I'm suffering of anhedonia that comes and goes… and it's hard for me to identify the mechanism behind this… So my guess was that, but the question remains something more open…

>>66928

Thank you OP.

>Ego-death

In a snowflake board

>>66952

Nope, only I AM.

>>67015

If you experienced the death of the ego, you'd know that any "growth" or any "movement" at all is just an illusion. Everything is Right Here and Right Now, there's nothing more to It.

Also,

>>68089

"Death of the ego" is just a metaphor. It doesn't mean one totally loses his ego - it's more like he transcends it (but that single ego still exists inside that Everything which is then included in One).

>>71405

Exactly.

On a 1000 ug acid trip I realized that eternity, singularity and infinity is pretty boring. Time is necessary, and living as a starving african child is better than singularity eternity.

what was this? ;

on a seemingly too high dose of lsd i dont know what i did, my ego spiralled, hopping between male and female beings of increasing magical ability and soul desirability. stopping at FNORD. it felt like i was at the end of time for days, a waiting room. a calm bliss i was worried wouldn't end.

>>70256

i think i am struggling with this. i feel as if i knew less i'd be happier like those people who never broke any rules

>>71429

>a calm bliss i was worried wouldn't end.

you… wanted it to end?

it seems like the end, Is-ness.

what's the big deal with that

>>71437

Well it is kind of like any really strong drug experience, like when people think they are dead on marijuana.

>>71441

>>71441

> like when people think they are dead on marijuana

lol, I got that on all kinds of stuff.

I simply accept ego death at this point/think "so what if i'm dead, fine i'm dead then"

That may be true but during ego death you would not need special powers.

Hmm, I experienced something a year or so ago that might have been ego death. I was a very stressful person, and that lead to a series of recurring panic attacks that eventually got so bad I entered a trance-like state where I was basically staring into the face of death, barely breathing, not even sure if I would live another second. Faced with what I assumed was my own death, I became so focussed on living just another second that everything else sort of sloughed off. I recovered pretty quickly now that the stress was gone and discovered that I felt completely differently about pretty much everything. Things that used to bother me don't anymore, I like different food, music, colors, books, etc… I have different opinions on everything, I speak differently, walk differently, have different handwriting, I even think differently. I still remember everything that happened before, but it feels like they're someone else's memories since none of the things I did make any sense to me now. I feel like there was a previous person inhabiting my body who died and now I'm here instead.

Was that ego death?