>>110939
Are you a Satanic person?
I have this same problem, and I've come to the conclusion that I should take those Satanic vibes and make them my own.
For somebody like me, there isn't another way… I could never be a Christian or a materialist. Discordianism and certain forms of Hinduism and Gnosticism inspire me, but at the end of the day, I'm a Satanist, and that's all there is to it.
That said, as I've learned, real Satanism is a sometimes nasty, brutal, vicious ordeal. It is filled with predators, and those predators that want to dominate the whole scene are the largest obstacle for new kids. That contingent is probably what you're dealing with here.
The harsh reality of Satanism is that Satanism can be… well, harsh. I have to let go of my own weaknesses and the useless parts of my ego if I want to succeed.
But a Satanist becomes a Satanist through the power of his own will, first and foremost. There are a lot of initiatory lineages and whatnot within the broad category of "Satanism", some of them not very conductive to real Satanists at all, but the Satanist makes himself a Satanist; other people's opinions matter little.
I hide in my room not because I'm afraid, but because I should not proceed until my esoteric abilities are restored. It's an immune response, along with a dose of healthy paranoia… because what I want is spiritual development… and "God" doesn't want me to have that because his followers are a bunch of demiurge worshipping, self-loathing maschochists; and some self-proclaimed Satanists try to crush all the newbies as they enter the arena because they want all the power for themselves. (Which is more or less the same as Christianity, and that's less of a coincidence than a lot of people realize.)
I think the best rewards are all in the Devil's domain. Especially since the Devil is the enemy of the god of this world, and thus might appear scary and destructive, but is also liberating.
>>111031
Yeah, fuck God; I'll agree with you on that much. But I think that a lot of self-proclaimed Satanists are getting manipulated by a program to control potentially dangerous segments of the population.
The number of real Satanists is probably extremely small compared to the sheep with plastic horns (or, at best, the rams with actual horns - but still sheep nonetheless).
Like Myatt pointed out, in any Satanic temple or coven or whatever, there are maybe one or two real Satanists. The rest are cannon fodder along for the ride.
>>111052
Some of these "Satanic" groups are run by the same people behind Christianity as a social brainwashing program.
If the people in charge want to scare you into compliance, they might cook up a Satanic "threat" and then scoop you up and save you, making you a Great Warrior for God™.
But same shit, different toiler; out of one demiurgic control group and into another.
It's like the FBI making fake terrorists groups and trying to identify extremists. There are demiurge-worshippers who do the same thing, because Satanism is inherently chaotic, and little scares them more than a fully empowered Satanist.
Which is why all the Satanic programs they DO allow require you to give up your power to progress in a hierarchical control system… the exact opposite of true Satanism, even if the enslavers might use some inverted pentagrams.
Don't fall for that.