/fringe/ - Fringe

I went through a lot of shit. Physical illness that I suppose isn't part of the paranormal, could be pretty easily stress related. Except, I got a boil. A literal fucking boil, that for five years, would return to mark the anniversary.

In the mean time, I was pretty busted up. I threw myself into a grand, crazy adventure in a shitty attempt to live the life I dreamed about having with her. I moved to California, got married, spent six years there before finding out my wife didn't want to have a kid, but I don't NOT want to.. And my dad got sick with heart problems.. I left my wife and moved home a couple months ago.

Last week, I was talking to my sister and telling her about this girl cause we were having a esoteric conversation. Neither of us are pros, we just occasionally like to entertain the suspension of disbelief. It also served to explain to my sister why I had thrown away a number of years of my youth, where that had come from.

Well, I guess I spoke her name for the first time out loud in a long time.. I didn't see the message for a couple days, but that day, as I was speaking to my sister, she had written to me on Facebook. After 8 years, she decided that time to look me up and write me.

We've been talking, but I'm torn. I never had a connection with anyone else like I have with her. But she's married, unhappily, in Eastern Europe.. I don't know, I feel stuck. I found from the failure of my marriage that the lack of an emotional connection like I had experienced is crushingly disappointing.. It's like, I can't be happy pretending I'm in love with someone who has noooo idea.. So for me to be in other relationships, I have to fake that I'm happy, I have to use the other person.. I don't feel good about that. I tried for a long time to nurture a connection with the wife I had, but it was ultimately fruitless.

But I don't feel like I can be content to either hope for this girl I apparently kept connected to for 8 years to pull of a fucking miracle and decide to run away to America, nor can I live like a hermit.

You know what I do to tide me over? Waste money in strip clubs to get strangers to rub their tits in my face long enough to forget a little while. I don't want to fuck anyone elses' life just for mine, so I hesitate to get too close to anyone else, but I'm also too scared of ultimate disappointment in life to stay content with an online relationship, even with someone I think might be a real-deal soulmate.

Better be careful… look up "love bites" and "the dark side of cupid".

>>80653

I did some google. A lot of it sounds frighteningly familiar, but in this situation, she doesn't leave me feeling drained. Most of it doesn't feel dark outside of either of us getting sad.. We talk about a lot of mundane stuff, joke around with each other.. And sure, we end up talking about what we'd want to do to each other if we got to meet, but it's not that.. dark, desperate kind of thing.. it definitely has a wholesome vibe, like we talk about wanting to have a kid together.

Not like any of those things is a surefire proof that it's 100% positive.. But we both got sort of more mainstream spiritual from it, like she talks about how she believes in the Judeo Christian God and wants to be more religious. She knows I have more of an interest in esoteric stuff, but do believe that 1, there's a higher power, and 2, it exists on a scale that I can't perceive. So we tend to view our connection as a spiritual one, albeit through a generally Christian lens.

>>80653

Just thought of something that might be important.. When she broke off contact with me eight years ago, I felt obviously really fucking sad. I did love her. But it felt like something was trying to keep me safe, prevent me from getting too sad. Like I had a bouyancy that my own desire for darkness resented.. When I got too worked up and started to cry, I'd feel filled with a warmth that I felt like was her not wanting to let me be sad. I never felt like she ever took anything from me that she didn't give something back.

>>80655

You two probably have a karmic relation, I would guess. Maybe she actually knows it and thats why she tries to keep you away cant fully disconnect?

Does she know how to obe? If not , in my opinion, would be odd if you two dindt had a strong past relation.

To the problem, have ever had the intention of having a family? Or just now you see yourself with the only suiteable option to have a family with her?

I would be honest, having a connection lasting 8 years? And she talk to you after speaking her name out loud? Thats pretty unnusual even for people that had physical contact for some time.

My 2c opinion is that you have some karmic leasson to learn. You can either get it and move on - on whattever direction you want - or cut the possiable leasson gap and 'miss' the chance for another time.

Having your energy drained in masking it ( strip) is worse than give up the chance- I think.

>>80656

In our original dealings 8 years ago, we said we wanted to have a kid cause we felt it would be special to have one together, like maybe it would fulfill our connection or something. She had her own kid 2 years ago, but she is angry its father doesnt seem to care about it. Talking this time, we still both want to have a kid, we just dont know how to get ourselves out of what were stuck in in our lives. But she cares about her son, and it doesnt bother me that she has one like it might.. I had a stepkid in my marriage and learned kids are innocent. Also, its not like the 8 years were free of eachother.. either of us would occasionally look for the other. She contacted me because I left my marriage.. she said while I was married, she stayed away to give me a chance at being happy.

>>80666

> those trips

Now it seems more fishy and less out of ordinary. You have a mutual obsession, deal with it like a mundane. Now this is just an edgy way to get advices. Take the love bit theory tho :^)

>>80667

Nah, not an edgy way to get advices. Its the only personal paranormal experience Ive had, and the reason I started believing in the paranormal.. other than when I was a teenager, i got tarot cards to try to look profound to a certain type of girls.. sigh.

My deepest personal suspicion is the karmic cycle thing, partially because the timing of the boomering give or take a couple/ few months. Both instances, however, coincidentally aligned with US election cycles where an incumbent couldnt run. A lot of extra angst our there in the airwaves.

>>80650

Go for it or regret yourself.

It's rare to find a soul mate.

>>80651

Grow some balls and

JUST DO IT!

Make your dreams come true!

Find out where she lives and see if she's the one! You won't know unless you try!